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Dr Appointment

So the Dr. said everything looked great on the u/s and that everything is measuring right on target…I am healthy:-) Although I did have a 7 pound weight gain in one month! I guess I feel better ;-P No one was concerned…

Next month I will get the slip for the dreaded gestational diabetes test…the 1-hour is not too bad, but I am convinced I will at least have to take the 3-hour…but it’s fine, I survived with Holden and I will again:-)

This pregnancy is so different, aside from beign more emotional, I have just been on a different journey…With Holden’s pregnancy there was so much fear…we had had a rough year before, with friends who lost babies, whether after birth or during pregnancies…we were close with friends whose children were suffering from issues that kept them from thriving and even became life threatening…it was kind of like right before we got pregnant, we were brought into this reality that some how we had avoided before this…we had been naive, and we no longer took the precious gift of a baby, or a life for granted…It was a rough time…A time that started a crazy journey with God, that I spoke about last Mother’s Day

This pregnancy has been so non-eventful, but because of the similar timing of Holden’s and the memories of what entailed the year before…and for whatever reason, I am still fighting thoughts that aren’t of God and that aren’t true…It’s not fear I am wrestling with this time though…it’s just a matter of what if’s…and they aren’t full of fear, they just sometimes dominate my thoughts…I find myself praying that same prayer nightly again, which maybe I should always do, I pray, “God please remove any thoughts that aren’t of you, any thoughts that aren’t true and aren’t now…I know I can’t know the future, and I know you will walk with me and even carry me through that future, so the time is not well spent worrying or even imagining, but it is better spent in hope, and thankfulness for each day I have with my family…” It’s a simple prayer and sometimes it becomes a meditation of simply, “God fill my heart with your truths” but it works and gets my mind on God and away from the what if’s…again not being driven by fear just thoughts…so different and better at the same time, but still an internal sturggle…

I’m not sure why I am putting this out there…maybe because this has become the only journal I can keep and I didn’t want to let this process go undocumented…

  • March 24, 2009 - 1:05 am

    rachellarkin - I like this post! I love the prayer you wrote…I catch myself doing the "what if’s" too! I really like the prayer! I’ll be praying for you too! When is your due date again??ReplyCancel

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